So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
