I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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