just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize