You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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