The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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