I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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