I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
