the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
