I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
