All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
