I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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