I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
