Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
