would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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