Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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