i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's blow job season.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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