Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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