Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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