I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
