you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
