You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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