i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
