Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
