That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
