I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
