dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
