There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
