Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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