I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
