Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
