I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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