Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I need to stop coming to work sober
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
