i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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