I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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