Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
