I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
