i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
