why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
