You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
