Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Alive.
So much puke
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
