In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry about my life...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize