she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's always time for handjobs
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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