I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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