Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
