he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize