Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
