can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize