Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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