I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
