Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
