Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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