These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Drunk is a universal language darling
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
