Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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