Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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