First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
