Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's shark week go big or go home
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
