I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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