Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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