he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
