dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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