i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
