he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She bit a glass in half.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
