you have to choose: penises or morals?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
