I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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