Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
