Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
