just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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