Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
