I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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