You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
