I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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