He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
