It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
