Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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