They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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