hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
