I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
