my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just cropdusted the office
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
